Where A Driver Is From
- One hand on wheel,
one hand on horn:
CHICAGO
- One hand on wheel,
middle finger out window:
NEW YORK
- One hand on wheel,
middle finger out window,
cutting across all lanes of traffic:
NEW JERSEY
- One hand on wheel,
one hand on newspaper,
foot solidly on accelerator
BOSTON
- One hand on wheel,
one hand on nonfat
double decaf cappuccino,
cradling cell phone,
brick on accelerator,
gun in lap:
LOS ANGELES
- Both hands on wheel,
eyes shut,
both feet on brake,
quivering in terror:
OHIO,
but driving in
CALIFORNIA
- Both hands in air,
gesturing,
both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to
someone in back seat:
ITALY
- One hand on 12oz. double shot latte,
one knee on wheel,
cradling cell phone,
foot on brake,
mind on radio game,
banging head on steering wheel
while stuck in traffic:
SEATTLE
- One hand on wheel,
one hand on hunting rifle,
alternating between both feet
being on the accelerator
and both feet on brake,
throwing McDonald's
bag out the window:
TEXAS
- Four-wheel drive pick-up truck,
shotgun mounted in rear window,
beer cans on floor,
squirrel tails attached to antenna:
OKLAHOMA
- Two hands gripping wheel,
blue hair barely
visible above windshield,
driving 35 on the Interstate
in the left lane
with the left blinker on:
FLORIDA
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Insurance Claims
The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words as possible.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
- I thought the window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
- The indirect cause of the crash was the little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
- A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the enbankment.
- In and attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
- I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
- As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to crash.
- I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
- To avoid hitting the bumper in front of me, I struck the pedestrian.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
- The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
- I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end..
- I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car.
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