Jigsaw Puzzle
One morning this blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought -- I can't figure out how to get started."
Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"
"From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the blonde.
The boyfriend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box."
"Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde.
"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle...
what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."
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Stuck On An Island
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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Blondes Fishing
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." and with that the Game Warden left.
As soon as he Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
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Magic Mirror
There was a magic mirror in this restuarant. If you lie to the mirror you
will get sucked in.
A red head walks in says she thinks she's president and gets sucked in.
A strawberry blonde walks in says she thinks she is as rich as Bill Gates
she gets sucked in.
A blonde walks in and she says "I think..." and she gets sucked in.
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Blonde In London
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are on vacation in London England.
They decide to take a ride on one of London's famous double-decker
buses. There are two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one
seat in the top of the bus available when they board. They decided to
take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the
first turn.
The blonde won the toss. Fifteen minutes later it's the redhead's turn,
so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared
half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her
knuckles are white. "What's wrong?" the redhead asks. "We're havin' a
grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
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TGIF
This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed
that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and
said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays!
The clerk said why do you say that?
The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes!
The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!
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Burrrggggerr Kiiinnggg
Two blondes were driving through Louisiana.
As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about
the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood
at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order,
could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please
pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing.
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Blonde and Her Cell Phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for
their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her
all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.
Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "How do you like
your new phone?"
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a
bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How'd you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
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Blondes in Heaven
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven.
St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can
answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, 'What is Easter?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November
when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful...'
'Wrong!,' replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde
the same question, 'What is Easter?'
The second blonde replies, 'Easter is the holiday in December
when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate
the birth of Jesus.'
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust,
tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third
blonde and asks, 'What is Easter?'
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes,
'I know what Easter is.'
'Oh?' says St. Peter, incredulously.
'Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish
celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the
last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the
Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified
and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns,
and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried
in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.'
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, 'Every year the boulder is moved aside
so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will
be six more weeks of winter.'
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Think?
A blonde I once met at a bar was extreamly confusing because...
- ..she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- ..she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
- ..she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
- ..she thought General Motors was in the army.
- ..she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
- ..she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
- ..under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- ..she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
- ..she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "ONE WAY."
- ..she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- ..when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
- ..when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- ..she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
- ..if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
- ..she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
- ..she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
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Top 10 Blonde Inventions
- Water-proof towel
- Solar powered flashlight
- Submarine screen door
- A book on how to read
- Inflatable dart board
- A dictionary index
- Ejector seat on a helicopter
- Powdered water
- Pedal-powered wheel chair
- Water-proof tea bag
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